Hmmm...apparently Jon's sister and I are extremely similar, Christie says we'd get along well. We like the exact same music/bands, we're both Scotland fanatics, we 'dress the same' and we're both going to England next year, and Christie says I'm like her a least once a week, usually for a different reason every time. Except she's staying in London and I'm staying in not London. Perhaps I'll visit her sometime. So I guess that means we'll both have to fly back here for *the wedding.* I'm not complaining at all, she's cool. :D

Hey Da, some of your hot grade 11-ers are playing football by my house. I watched them as I walked past.

Whoa you guys, I just about had a heart attack. See, I have my giant whiskey-like bottle down here full of water, 2.27 Litres to be precise. And I knocked it over with my foot and I thought it was open. But it wasn't. I wonder what would happen if I started bringing it to school and drinking out of it. I guess that might be a bit extreme. Maybe if I get one of those little metal whiskey thingers from Ikea. Yeh, good idea. I really want one of those, I wonder if they still have them. I didn't see them on Wednesday, but I don't think we went to that specific part.
"I'm a hazard to myself, don't let me get me. I'm my own worst enemy. Its bad when you annoy yourself, so irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else."

"Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on, it gets better than you know. Don't stop looking you're one step closer, don't stop searching it's not over."

Unfortunately, I cannot be outdone by the others and so I must post a post of substantial length. Even more unfortunately, I have nothing interesting to say so either you stop reading now or prepare yourself for some boredom. Now that you have chosen, I can get on with things. First of all, I'm have a bit of pain in the area of my conscience for leaving that poor onion out in the middle of the road to be run over numerous times and be smashed to a pulp. Which reminds me of the cremation conversation of yesterday, but I'm not going to start THAT again as it's *apparently* morbid.
Second, I should have put more time and effort into the M/C portion of the History test today because I really had no idea what was being asked most of the time. I'm not even up to par on the knowledge level of the pyramid for that time period, which I must say is rather sad. Although I feel that my knowledge of World War I was quite good, except I don't know why I studied that considering my intentions yesterday were to study only the French Revolution. I must've been fathoms more sleepy than I thought.
This time next week I'll be done the Paper#1 of the Enlish exam. Scary thought, good thing it's just a commentary that I can't study for.
Stacy's Mom is a CREEPY song.
Ok, bye now, have a fabby day! :D

So, I have nothing to say. Does this surprise you? It shouldn't, because I never really say anything even though I write so much. And that's my story. Except that there was an onion in the middle of the road. It made my day. :D

Ok, the good news is that Dad says we can go to Jasper. The BAD news is the accomodation situation which I have pretty much described fully in the email. I AM SUPER UNHAPPY ABOUT THIS AND IF IT MAKES US NOT ABLE TO GO THEN I'M GOING TO GO STRANGLE SOMETHING, OR THROW MY BIO TEXTBOOK THROUGH THE WALL. YES, I SAID THROUGH THE WALL. NO, I DO NOT HAVE RAGE PROBLEMS. SO WE WILL ALL GO AND IT WILL WORK. WE JUST HAVE TO DICUSS THIS SOME MORE. OK, now I'll go study or something while listening to soothing orchestra or guitar music with waves in the background. :D

When Robbie Williams sings he looks like Ewan McGregor when he sings. I'm talking huge loud singing here, by the way. *Ahem* Just thought you might like to know...

And we thought the service charge on the stupid ATM at school was bad. It cost me 10 frickin' bucks just to get a £20 money order from the bank. Jeepers. I could've, like, bought a chocolate bar or a one hour train ride with that. And then there was the fact that no one at the bank actually knew how to do it so it took half an hour while they read the instructions, called for the exchange rate, etc. BUT, it is done now. I will have a way of getting from London to Capernwray and that is very important. Cuz I really don't want to walk.
OK now, because I'm a nerd and because I lose everything, I'm putting the IB exam schedule (only the ones I'm taking of course) up before I lose the sheet. *Ahem*
Tues. May 4 English HL-Paper #1 9-11am
Thurs. May 6 Math methods SL-Paper #1 12:45-1:45pm
Fri. May 7 Math methods SL-Paper #2 9-11am
Sat. May 8 Stef turns 18 9:48am
Mon. May 10 English HL-Paper #2 9-11am
Tues. May 11 Biology HL-Papers #1 12-1pm
Biology HL-Paper #2 1:15-3:30pm
Wed. May 12 Biology HL-Paper #3 9-10:15am
History HL-Paper #1 12:30-1:30pm
History HL-Paper#2 1:45-3:15pm
Thurs. May 13 History HL-Paper #3 9-11:30am
So, that is my first half of May. Not too bad at all considering the rest is school free except for Physics which I hate with a passion. So yeh, I just need to cram for that Social test, Physics quiz, and Bio contest on Thursday and the week of horribleness will be over. I can also check off "Apply for ARS" and "£20 for bus" on my things to do list meaning all I have left to do is get plane tickets and get a physical in June for work and it'll all be good. Yay! The stress is ebbing away little by little...and hey, Mrs. Weirsma didn't even freak at us today in Bio. for skipping so everything flowing smoooooooothly. Along with the fact that I now know there is no Central Lobe or Hypocampus in the brain, I'd say that today has been quite a good day. And then tomorrow we go to Ikea and everything, so rock on! Have fantabulous day y'all! :D

Here's a pointer to all of you: When talking to someone of British-ness for the first time, do NOT let them coerce you into speaking in an English accent. "The water in Majorca doesn't taste like it ought to." Fup. The good news, he had to say "My name is Stephanie and I'm from Alberta" in a Canadian accent which was also highly amusing, although I suspect he may have had a better Canadian accent than my British one. Which is weird because I always talk to myself in a fabulous British accent, I guess it was just that the pressure was on. AND, I taught him how to say Saskatchewan, that seems to be the one no one knows how to say, eh? Hey Luke, how did you think Arkansas was pronounced when you 'first saw it', whenever that may have been? Cuz it's been pointed out to me that what WOULD make sense (when compared with the pronunciation of Kansa) would be R-Can-Zass, and I was wondering if that's the general opinion. Which totally makes sense. But anyway, I have to go sup now. See yas! :D

It's just hit me, I'm gonna be falling asleep while I walk down the aisle for Christie's wedding due to jet-lag. That'll be exciting. Then, when I finally get used to the time change I'll be going back and have to adjust all over again! How exciting! And I just found out that there are NO classes on Fridays at Capernwray. And they have a climbing wall...among many other fabulous things (including sheep, cows, ETC.). And it's very likely that there will be AT LEAST one Scottish staff member because they have faculty from 'all around the UK', and considering that Scotland is 70 miles north of Capernwray...Badump-ch. Goodbye. Have a fabby day and, um, don't study to hard. :D

What Pattern Are You?
Oooooh, maybe it's a sign...a sign that I'm really Scottish somewhere along the lines. I met a girl today who's half Scottish.

The bank can't do money orders in pounds on Saturdays cuz the dumb big bank isn't open for them to call and find out the exchange rate. How retarded is that. VERY. Now I have to wait to send in my bus money AGAIN. The dumbness of it all. But hey, I was reading all my info. again and Capernwray has a store called the 'Beehive'. It's fabulous cuz it sells 'sweets' and 'washing powder' (I haven't quite figured out what that is exactly). And get this, we need to allow about £2 per load of laundry. That's like 5 bucks a load! Harumph. Oh well, I'm going to have lots of money...yes. And then we hve to have tetanus shots cuz we might have to work on the farm. This is exciting, I hope they make me work on the farm. I could like, milk the cows or something. Even though I don't know how to do that. Or maybe I'll get to shear the sheep. If that's what they have the sheep for which I don't think they would, but what other point is there to having sheep? Just to tell people like me that they have sheep and make me excited about the free roaming sheep and cows on the 'footie pitch'? Hmmm, maybe. But other good news is that the weekend trips to the Lake District and such are only about 20 bucks a go, so maybe I can afford it. And go traipsing around in the beauty that is. And go see Hadrian's Wall and go to Edinburgh and BenNeviss and Glen Coe and all those other Glens and Lochs and castles and green-ness andbeauteouss places. And hey guys, I found out the phones lines AREN'T just for emergencies, there are 2 student lines which can only be used between certain [England] times, and the calls are limited to 10 minutes, but you guys should socalll me. For 10 minutes a call it'd be about...90 cents. That's less than a dollar folks! Of course, you'll only be able to call if you can get over the confusion that is the phone number. I think it's about 10 numbers plus the country code and other crap that they [your telephone service peeps] make you dial. And there's a free minibus service 3 times a week into Carnforth and friends/family can stay at Capernwray if they come to visit during the spring term (if they arrange ahead of time), but not during the winter term for some reason. AND everyone has to get up at 7am, get ready, have breakfast, do chores and then go to lectures. (We get lectures on Saturday too!) OK, to most of you this probably sounds super boring, but obviously I'm a bit on the insane side cuz I'm excited about it ALL! Including the writing of deep and philosophical papers. And I'm going to make a point of doing all the homework that I can OUTSIDE on the beautiful grass. Or in the tower, now THAT would be cool. Or by the lake, or on the tree swing. Or in the tree itself. The excitement I have is unfathomable. UNFATHOMABLE. And I still have 153 days. Whatever shall I do? Anyway, g'bye folkerinos, hope I didn't bore you too much. I have had complaints about talking excessively about Capernwray before but sometimes I just have to express the ness. So there. Have an awesome day! :D

FACT OF THE DAY...

Feisty old seadog Alexander Selkirk from Largo in Fife, has an argument with his
captain and as a result finds himself stranded on a desert island in the middle
of nowhere. Eventually rescued, his story is 'borrowed' by a struggling young
writer called Daniel Defoe and is published on this day in 1719 as 'Robinson
Crusoe'. [By 'this day' they really mean tomorrow-the 24th of April-it's just that they live in that other time zone over there, which means it's...about 6am right now...therefore the 24th. As you've probably already figured out.]

This is from 'The Scotsman'. I finally gave in and took out a "daily subscription" (it really only sends me the big headlines, but wotevs) So from now on there will be a fact of the day. Enjoy! :D
And the other new addition that seems to have integrated itself into my blog these past few days, Switchfoot lyrics. I love the ones that mean something. Even if I only half understand. And for the more 'Stef centered' (ooooh, that sounds egotistical to the max) stuff, you'll have to resort to the several other boring posts of today. Oh, and guys, when was our MSN planning session gonna be? Cuz we should do that, it needs to be done. Like, really. And the rents still know nothing of the skippage, all is going well. :D
Company Car

Mike was right when he said I'd put up
A fight to be someone, a fight to be me
But see now, I'm down
Under the pavement
Of capital hills and lowercase people
As time rolls by my dreams have become
That which is attainable
Not what I'm looking for!

I've got the company car
I'm the one swinging at two below par
Yeah, I've become one with the ones
That I've never believed in
But I've got the company car

I'm the king of things I've always despised
I'm the gingerbread man
who got eaten alive
I'm half-baked! I'm fake!
But see I've got hotels on
Park Place and Boardwalk
And two hundred bucks
I pass go but, oh! Life's taken its toll
Have I won Monopoly to forfiet my soul?

All the king's horses
At the foot of the wall
They're taking pictures of
The man who's lost all of his
Masks of pretension
He's got two faces left
His is the one that he hides
On the left behind that smile...

Hiding tears and fear
That burns like an engine
It drives him away
From the ones that he loves
Mike was right:
"Hey Mike! We're one and the same;
we're the faceless combatants
in the lonliest game"
Ah but say, I'll wave as I'm driving by
With that smirk in my eye, yelling
"Hey! I'm something man, check me out!"

But then, what if refusing doesn't work? I mean, if you try to refuse with all your might but nothing changes, what are you to do? It's not like you can just make it vanish, because it just doesn't go away. The dilemmas of this world are much too great for me.

I wonder if REFUSING to allow myself feel something actually makes it happen. Although really, if you can make something stop by just refusing it obviously you didn't REALLY feel it in the first place.

Oh you guys. The school just called and I froze like a popsicle. But I answered, except I forgot to say anything so no message came. So I told mom and dad it was Salisbury and that's it. Hopefully they take the hint and don't call again. Whoa phew, the phone just rang but it's grandpa. That almost gave me a heart attack. Weirsma's gonna kill us hey Lo man? Oh well, it was a good time, much better than Bio 35.
So, we went and watched rugby. That was fabby, checked out all the hot guys and then that one who stood in front of us and did his whole modeling thing. Mmmmmm. And then the other guy with the shirt, and the other ones without shirts. All like, checkin' us out and stuff and we checked them out back. GOOD times. :D Not like I really enjoy boychick watching...*ahem*...but on occasion it's fabulous. Anyway, gonna go now. Have a fabby day! :D

K you guys, the sadness of it is I'm getting all excited about Jasper and I don't even know if we'll be able to go yet. We'd better be able to or I might have to shoot something. Like...like...an APPLE! With a bow and arrow! If the arrow is flying East at a certain speed and an apple is flying north at a different speed, what is the angle (from the horizontal) that they are flying after they collide (they stick together on contact). Seriously guys, there is no way I can wrap my brain around Physics 30 (well, actually, the only unit so far that is PUREST crap is Conservation of Energy and Momentum, nothing will ever get worse than that, mostly because I remember m=none of the concepts used in it from Physics 20). Although this new 'Nature of Matter' unit is looking pretty good. Hey, I think maybe I should only post when I have something deep to say cuz really, posting about my day is rather boring. And wasting my valuable studying time. :S Which I'd rather waste. DA man, are we going to Ikea tomorrow? I have to go study now and wont be on MSN, so call me or something.
And now for your daily dose of Switchfoot Lyrics, just because I love this song.

On Fire
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've ever been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

You know which choir sings on the new Delirious? CD? Hillsong, that's right, from Hillsong in Australia. You know who goes there? Krista, one of Christie's bridesmaids. And yes, she's in that choir. I KNOW someone who sings on the Delirious? CD! This is so awesome. It's so funny, for Christie's wedding Heather has to fly in from the US, I have to fly in from Enlgand and Krista has to fly in from Australia. Apparently Heather and Krista both pick up the accents a little bit, so maybe I will too. Then we can be all accented up. Good stuff. Although it's not Scottish. Oh well, it's better than nothing.

OK, how unfair is it that people in the US, South Carolina to be precise, graduate on May21st while we have to wait until that day in June that I don't know off hand? It's so unfair.
And hey, remember Chad? I forget his last name but he moved to Texas in grade 5 or 6...I used to be friends with him, we had a fight once when I accidentally shoved him in front of a car. He's (talkin' aboot Chad again) probably, like, the hottest guy in Texas by now. Yeh, him...I don't believe how many guy friends I used to have, it's unheard of. Grade 6 was such a good ol' time, chucking things at people, talking with the guys in our corner, trying to instruct Ali how to make a paper airplane when he barely spoke English, him singing me Backstreet Boys songs and asking me if I had a boyfriend. I miss Ali, he disappeared, maybe he went back to Iran. I was so scared of him, well, not scared. Just, you know, when you're in grade 6 and a guy starts hitting on you...I was kinda wary. But he was fabulous. I mean, who's ever gonna sing me Backstreet Boys songs again or stop me on my way home and talk to me? Or teach me how to write from the right side of the page to the left and to speak and write whatever that language was that he spoke. Aramaic? I dunno, I'm sadly behind the times on what they speak there. He's probably hot now too. Well, maybe not, but you never know. I'm sure he's at least slightly dece. So completely unfair. Elementary school was so fabulous, I could actually talk to people then, most of the time guys, and it didn't matter that I was hideous. I was friends with all the cool people of today, and now they're all cool and don't talk to me anymore. Oh well, that's fine with me. It's so great when you're young, you can be friends with anyone and be popular even if you aren't gorgeous. Well, I don't know if I was popular, but I talked to everyone. Like, had real conversations without worrying about what was coming out of my mouth. And the stuff we were learning was easy. Good times. And remember that girl from Iceland? Gunhilda I do believe her name was. She was cool too, and her brother was in Christie's class. ANYWAY, must go sleep now. Reminiscing just makes grade 12 suck even more.

Ok guys, you know what? It's seems to be that everyone would much rather go to Jasper for more than one measly little day. So, if you would all let me know if your parents will allow it I can POSSIBLY coerce my dad into letting us go for overnight. Possibly. I mean, with excuses such as 'then I wont have to drive for 10 hours a day' and 'then I wont be tired for driving', etc., I'm sure it could be wangled. And as for sleeping in the car, I think it's a fabulous idea. And just in case, there IS always the trunk. But just as a warning, if we do that I must inform everyone to bring earplugs because between my sighing (although it's rather debatable, some people claim it's moaning, but I HATE that word with a passion :: shudder ::), Lori's random...talking (or on occasion meowing...sorry, it NEEDED to be said), and who knows what else you may not get any sleep otherwise. Not that we need sleep, it's just a precaution. And it looks like it may have to be a trip centering around Monday. So, we need to have a detailed group discussion one of these days when everyone has permission so we can make official plans. Just keep your weekend free (DA, what have you done???) and it will all be good. Oh, and since the majority of us will be 18...we can...be 18. Cuz really, there's nothing that being 18 does for me except for being able to go to a select few 18A movies. (And it allows me to go to Capernwray :D) So yeh, everyone come on MSN at the same time so we can have a group discussion or stay for lunch at school so we can have a 'chat' about this.
Lo, I tell you, if you cut your hair you could pull off the fro.
Mom bought me 3 new shirts, I hope they don't look horrible on me like everything else does.
I love my new authentic but fake flower.
Two other random guys talked to me today. It was good times. I wish that happened all the time. They must be catching the 'newly not-depressed' vibes or something, and it's most fabulous. I'm getting over the dumbfoundedness (I used the dumb word) of having people talk to me too, I can actually say things now instead of looking at them like they're crazy. The improvements are coming already. Rock ON.
You guys, your awesomness is unfathomable. Rock on. And have a fantabulous day! :D
More Switchfoot:
Let That Be Enough

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Yeeeeeh, I know, I've already posted too much today. But in my boredom that could easily have been filled with studying that I REALLY need to do, I had to read all the guestbook entries of days gone by. Ahh, the good times. All these memories of Gus, Sir Amanda of Janesville, Prince Nickyl, writing secret entries in my guestbook (hahaha, it's so fun to mess with your minds), learning about the history of blogs, crappy days, Filo's dissapearance, etc. So much has changed since then (even though 'then' is less than a year ago), probably mostly for the better. I mean, instead of constant depression it only comes in waves now. Waves that are getting further and further apart as I actually seek help for it. Yaha, help actually works. And NO, by help I do not mean therapy. Therapy may actually be one of those things I fear. I may have to get therapy to get over my fear of therapy. But if I do, they're gonna have to drug me and then drag me in. I'll leave a trail of bread crumbs, please come rescue me if it happens. Anyway, gonna go attempt to study now...:D

"I broke into your house last (or 'lost', as they pronounce it) night, and left a note at your bedside. I'm far too shy to speak to you at school, you leave me numb and I'm not sure why." And the rest I can't really understand completely cuz their accent is far too strong. But they're Irish (Northern) so good times. AND they went to college in Scotland. Rock on to that.
Someone NEW found their way to the Capernwray forums. They appear to hail from the Netherlands. This should be a good ol' time! :D Cultural diversity, I LOVE it! Hopefully everyone else has a much more interesting 'National Costume' than I do. And guys, if you use the 'less2talk' rates for phone calls, it only costs 9 cents/minute to the UK. So you guys should call me when I go. AND you should come visit, but I suppose 9 cents/minute is slightly cheaper than a whole ticket. Harumph. But you know, if you see a seat sale at TravelCuts in between classes or just whenever, you should TOTALLY make a wild and un-thought out decision and buy it. Cuz then you will make me immeasurably happy. Picture this: One (or better yet, ALL) of you guys appear at Carnforth when I'm there buying presents...or random things I don't need. Stef sees you, looks like a deer caught in headlights because she's trying to figure out whether or not she's finally gone over the edge and is hallucinating. Then Stef collapses on the floor as she realizes she is in fact seeing a living, breathing human that she knows and must be resuscitated by paramedics after they have been alerted by someone calling 999. Then Stef revives and floods sed person(s) with crazy ranting about everything and how she's never going to leave the UK and in between she will add little things like 'whoa!' and 'what are you...', etc. Ok, now that I've sed all that, no one will want to come visit me anymore. PLEASE?? Or, you know, on the other hand I may just be very calm about the whole thing and introduce you to my crowd of friends who will swarm about you and stand in awe and I'll just stand by and watch and randomly grin hugely. Come on, I KNOW you all want to come! I think my convincing tactics are not so efficient. Hmmm, I'll have to work on that. And what's with this expecting me to buy you things from England for Christmas??? OK, so I may have sed a lot of times that I was going to do that. And I still will. I just hope I have enough money. :O I wouldn't want to be stuck there you know. ;) I'm gonna have to buy myself things too. Like a shirt that says England on it and a shirt that says Scotland on it and a genuine Scottish sheep and a taxi ride from Heathrow to Buckingham Palace Road and a bus ticket (which I should have done already) and 3 other bus rides, and a trip to Scotland and trips to the Lake District and a trip to Ben Nevis and Glencoe and all those other fabulous places. Oh, why do I not save my money more often? Oh well, I WILL have enough. And of course I'm hoping to run into British hot guys such as Orlando Bloom (if I see him, I'm giving him a hug, that's been known for like a year already) cuz he IS sed to ride bike around London...although he may not even live in England anymore, I really don't know, I should get up with the times about that. Hey guys, did anyone else get that 'invitation to Britain' brochure in the mail? It was like a month ago...you can win trips and stuff. It was printed in England and published by a British company so I dunno why we got it if no one else did, I don't remember asking for it or anything. And it's not too helpful (besides the awesome pictures) because the phone numbers are all British ones which are...too long. OK, I've written WAY too much now. So I'll be leaving. Have a fabulous day and please get back to me about Jaspere! :D

Have a dose of Switchfoot, cuz they ROCK.
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

OK. Let's take a poll, so to speak. Should we go to Jasper just for a day or go for, like, a day and a half/two days? Or did you have something completely different in those brains of yours? Keep in mind that if we stay for a night we're gonna have to stay in a dumpy hotel with cockroaches (or the Sawridge cuz it's super expensive but we could sleep on air mattresses in the pool and they'd ever notice...or, better yet, Jasper Park Lodge) because of limited funds or we'll have to camp. Or sleep in the Costco parking lot in the car. Not like I've ever actually done that...it's just a suggestion you know. But anyway, feedback would be great and just so you know, dad hasn't responded to my request for the car yet. This is good AND bad news. On the one hand, it means he isn't totally against it, on the other hand, there's still room for non-allowance in his mind. Perhaps if I buy him a tablesaw...no, besides the fact that bribery is not the answer, I have not money. Actually, I do have sufficient funds for a fabulous table saw but I kindof need that for OTHER much more important things. So, that's the deal. The feedback form is aptly titled 'Say Something Fabbity-Fab', or something along those lines. :D

Ok, so, I went to the 'ear, nose and throat specialist'. Waited for over an hour after my appointment before seeing the doctor, then he told me my ears and my hearing are perfect. Did he not HEAR me say my left ear is constantly plugged? And that I get ear infections a whole bunch of times a year? He doesn't even think they're ear infections, well then, WHAT ARE THEY?? You think my imagination could make up the supreme pain I get every time I have an ear infection???? Honestly, doctors can be quacks sometimes. A lot of times.
So, I drove all the way to the U of A hospital today and then home again, almost ran over someone who ran across the road right in front of me and almost got run over by a bus who's driver seemed to think I wasn't there. That was pretty fun. Well, I mean, it didn't affect me at all even though I saw it but when mom starts spazzing in the passenger's seat it gets a little strained in there.
Hahaha, after school I was waiting for mom and then this guy just came up and started talking to me. It was highly amusing. And then he came up behind me and poked me in the head and then I looked around and he suddenly appeared around the pillar right in front of me and started up a lovely conversation. It was greatly, greatly amusing. To the MAX. He was very odd, but it was good times nonetheless.
So, see yas all! Have a splendiferous day! :D

Fabbity fabbity fabbity fabbity FAB!!!!!!!!!!! Ok guys, I hope by '3rd weekend of May' in my email about Jasper you actually assumed that I meant the 2nd last weekend of May. Cuz that's actually what I meant, only I didn't realize May has 5 weekends this year. So yeh, that means the weekend of the 22nd or something like that. Oh oh! That's May long weekend, yeh, lemme know if that works for ya. So, right now I'm on the verge of requesting the car. This could be scary. I never realized how much dad scares me. So, if he lets me we're only allowed to go for a day because *horror of horrors*, Luke is a being of the male variety and as such we are not allowed to sleep anywhere within the same building. Because that would just be BAD, eh guys? Parents...so misunderstanding. ANYWAY, we'd probably have to leave pretty early if we'd wanna get any substantial amount of time in Jasper in and we'd leave Jasper pretty late so yeh. Sleeping in the car will most likely be essential as well as TAKING TURNS driving (of course, if no one else wants to drive I'm sure I could handle the whole way) and shotgunning. Therefore, everyone will have to take a crash course in driving the Wittenberg Honda (that is if we can take the car) just to make sure it's not too technologically advanced for you or anything. I don't know why I'm not just emailing this to everyone, but eventually I probably will once plans are more concrete. So yeh, that would be the LONG WEEKEND, if that doesn't work for you lemme know. :D Thanks so much for your time and consideration, goodnight! :D

This is a list for my own reference of gorgeousness. If you wish to see them go here.
-Lydford Gorge (Just fabulous. And there's a waterfall...and a ghost. ;))
-Oxburgh Hall, Garden & Estate (Gotta love the moated ones that need someone to watch for flooding...)
-Plas Newydd (Mmmmmm, I love mossy walls...and towers...and green.)
-Prior Park Landscape Garden (Again, green...need I explain?)
-Rievaulx Terrace and Temples (I love pillars, they're surpass fabulousness...although they don't surpass rain or just plain green beauty.)
-Rowallane Garden ( :O)
-Scotney Castle, Garden and Estate is pretty fabby too...misty! -ish
-Sheffield Park Garden (if it's a garden, you've pretty much got me hooked. I mean, what is more fabulous than plants? On second thought, the more pruned gardens aren't quite as wonderful.)
-Sheringham Park
-Tintinhull Garden, slighlty less tructured than the pruned to perfection ones and still gorgeous...in the picture anyway.
-Trelissick Garden (the trees are all gnarly and fantabulous.)
K, I'm stopping now or the list will become WAY too long.
-Sizergh Castle & Gardens
-Snowshill Manor (One of the more fabulous buidlings in my opinion...possibly due to the garden again)

Oh crap, I've done it. I've already over-excited myself and now I'm gonna have to go watch "Bend It Like Beckham" again before I'll be able to even remotely concentrate on something other that going to England. Not like that's a bad thing, it IS a fabulous movie, but how am I ever gonna be able to pass my exams if I can't concentrate on studying? Augh. And hahahah, I was sent the most fabulous pictures. Fabulous British break-dancing. The laughter will never end. Well, the break-dancing wasn't so hilarious as awesome, but the other one...good times, I'll show you sometime. My goodness, I haven't laughed this hard in ages and ages.
Darn, the GBP/CAD exchange rate has gotten worse since last time I checked. Although it is better than it was in February and seems like it's going up. £1 right now is equal to $2.42 dollars. Hmmm.

All you suckers working out all your university plans. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeh yeh, I'm gonna have to do that all next year, I'll probably have to apply from England as a matter of fact but right now I'm just gonna be super ecstatic about my England plans. Which, by the way, are going well since I probably now have a travel buddy from Lethbridge cuz he emailed me back and sed it would be great to 'hook up'. Yehar, I might not have to survive Heathrow all by myself! And I was 'reading' that book Lou, the gorgeosity of the pictures is so fabulous I don't see how I'm ever going to be able to leave. Plus I'm going to Scotland so...yeh. You guys must all come visit me and then we can all be unable to leave together. Like, why is not EVERY country that gorgeous? Hello, so very unfair. Anyway, if I keep thinking about this I wont be able to concentrate on my studying...which I'm actually going to do. So g'bye and have a super cool avec knobs day! :D

K, the 'man of the house' where I babysit has the most fabulous coat ever. It's like the Matrix ones. Totally awesome.

Kids are unbearably adorable when they fall asleep. The just lie there and their eyes keep closing but then they open them again cuz you're rubbing their back and they don't want to fall asleep and miss it. And they love you just for being there and they're so little. :: sigh ::

Lo man, I so wish you'd had a camera yesterday at lunch so you could have taken a picture of my evil glare that literally burned with the fires of a thousand evils. Picture it; the inner struggle of whether or not to shove you in return (a lot harder though)would be evident in my eyes. Although you wouldn't be able to see the slight movement right after you 'shoved' me (can that even be CALLED a shove?) that was me reacting. Good thing I'm capable of restraining myself and figured the glaring was sufficient. That my friends is a classic example (except maybe not so classic?) of transference. Or whatever that was we were talking about in English. Anyway, Lo man totally didn't deserve it and apparently I was in a much worse mood than I had envisioned. So, I restrained myself (boy, that was difficult) and had an extreme surge of evil. That right there was a little bit of a crack in my fakeness people, or in my acting. Call it what you will. Now we know what's REALLY underneath. Which I didn't know before either, and frankly it's not a good thing. But I'm very proud of that fact that I was able to restrain myself and I honestly hope I never get that angry again. Because I've never been that angry before and it was horrible. It was seriously into mode of having no idea what I was doing. Like those things you hear about when people go insane and start killing people and then after they have no recollection of it? That's what it was going into, except not that bad cuz I can honestly say I wasn't nor am I harbouring any desire to kill anyone. But yeh, that was the interesting experience of yesterday which I seriously never want to have again. It's surprising how very much such small issues can affect me.
And you know what distresses me? No one has commented in like 3 days! :: sob :: Ok, I know, it's really not that big of a deal, obviously you have nothign to say. But REALLY, there must be something for you to say. Especially in regards to the JASPER matter.
In other news, school was horrible again. Tests were crap, 'specially math which I'm pretty certain I failed. Social was pretty good and so was Physics. Highlights of the day were (as per usual) 'sneaking' out of Math, sneaking into Lo's Chem. class, and sneaking out of the library. Perhaps when I grow up I should be a sneaker. Ha, not. And then there was lunch when you guys ditched me to go watch a fight. Fup. That was the meanest thing ever. Well, I guess that'll put me off of skipping your Forensics presentations ever cuz now I really know what it's like to sit by myself. And that was the daily update on Stef's boring life. Have a fabby day and I'll try to as well, although you may wish worse things upon me. ;) :D
P.S. I'm actually happy, if this post sounds anything other than happy to you, you should check your comprehension skills. Muahahaha! :D

First and foremost on the mind of The Ste Man today: "Tell me what's going on inside of me, I despise my own behaviour." As well as slightly less prominent: "I don't wanna die but I ain't keen on living either." I suppose if you guess what songs those are from you can have a shiny penny, but I say them cuz I mean them.
Next I shall congratulate the Edmonton Flyer Force for breaking 2 records. I have 19 flyers for one stinkin' day AND I've now had extra flyers for 9 weeks in a row. If I get no bonus SOMEONE is going to pay. It's gonna take me like 5 frickin' hours to do it all, anybody wanna come help? I KNOW how much y'all love delivering flyers, the least you can do is help me. Oh, I give up.
Next again, I shall congratulate my teachers for achieving their goal of giving me tests in every class I have tomorrow. Perhaps this time I really will be sick. I mean, if I just refuse to contain myself and all the issues I'm having, I could probably be deathly ill within seconds. Although I'm not suicidal. I don't think. It still would be nice to have an excuse to miss all those tests tomorrow so I actually have time to study. There's no way for me to learn 4 Math courses in one night you know. Plus a retarded Physics unit AND the "Western World History" from 1960-1979. At least there are no more dumb English questions to work on today, I actually did those all by myself yesterday. Which could explain the horrible quality of the answers. Meh. Astonishingly, though, I had a fabulous time 'discussing' (I didn't actually participate) those questions in English today. Especially the parts that weren't actually that funny but made me laugh hysterically and probably snort several times (sorry if that sounds disgusting, it's just what I do). Apparently I'm searching for things to laugh at. Anyway, I shall go now and leave you to your fabulous lives so I can go study. I think I'm really selfish guys. Hmmm, I'll have to ponder this further.
We should go on picnics more often. Something about the outside-ness of it all makes me happy. And guys, what weekends in May are you not busy? We're talkin' Jasper here, we're talkin' Stef's 18th birthday here. We're talkin' we're gonna make it a grand old time or else. We're talkin' EVERYBODY (that means you too this time Tas!) has to come because we're going to arrange it that way and if you think of any excuse whatsoever not to come you will recieve the wrath of Stef. Unless you just plain old don't want to come cuz we don't want anyone to be bored. And I suppose there could be a select few other extenuating circumstances, but other than that I think not. Harumph.
Have a fabby day everyone!

Devastation cannot describe it. And I no longer care if you know or not.

Ok, now to add to it all I have to write a stupid Math contest that I'm going to FAIL cuz I remember pretty much nothing from Math 30. FRIGS.

*Revised Edition*

Tas, you are officially exempt from this cuz you know why I'm ranting. The rest of you, hold your breath. This is most likely not for you. But I can't narrow it down too much. Just so you know, don't narrow it down by saying you have no idea WHY I would feel this way because frankly, the person I'm actually ranting at wont have a clue either. It could be you, you never know, I don't expect you to care.
Do you KNOW what you've done to me? (NOT you, YOU!) ARG. ARG. Now I AM going to cry. ARG. You fiend! You should NOT be able to do that. Something which you have not even DONE...yet. ALL this stinkin' mess is because of
'this'. No one should be frickin' able to do this to me but somehow YOU manage to. Could you just stop? NO, because you don't even know who you are. ARG. And don't even tell me I could make it not affect me by just not caring, you have NO idea how hard I've tried that. Stef's a freak and it doesn't ****** HELP. And that is CRAP becuz it's making me feel like crap and frankly I don't want to feel like crap! I have NEVER felt this angry or totally depressed at someone who doesn't deserve it, so good job. You've done it. And I am through with it all, caring is too much work. But according to ME, it's MORE work to not care. So what am I gonna do? Apparently nothing. I'm just gonna sit here and feel the same way and get no sleep. I'm out now. Goodbye!

Crap

OK, I frickin' give up! If I were to rant right now what I've been feeling for the past ages you would all run away in FEAR of my wrath. Or more possibly from the flood of tears that would be allowed to pour out if I were actually to let everything go. (I don't even know what that everything IS, it's just there and it makes me feel like crap.) Not because I'm ranting at anyone in particular, or that I have anything actually to rant about. It's just that I'm STUPID and let every stinkin' little thing affect me and it bothers me a whole lot because I have no right to feel this way since there's nothing bad in my life. Or nothing that's really horrible anyway. I think it's because something wants me to hope and it breaks my heart every time I do, and I don't tell anyone about it because I don't want it to break some more. THIS is why pessimism is my best course of action people. Do you see what optimism (something I often characterise as hope) does to me? I'm gonna have to suggest that going from happy to depressed several times in the course of one day for 'no particular reason' can't be good for me. Soon I'm seriously going to crack and blow something up. Most likely myself, although I'm open to alternative suggestions. And don't say I need therapy because there is nothing therapy can do for me. It's just me and my stupid personality. I want grandma back so I can cry on her lap like I used to. I had a dream once that she came back, and it made me remember what her voice sounded like. I want to cry like I did when I watched her take her last breath in that bed in the ER and could hear how hard it was for her. I felt her leave, and I wept. I want to cry like I did when I played my song at her funeral and everyone said I did a great job. I want to cry like I cried when people said I'm sorry and I tried to be brave and put on a smile for them and at the same time wanted to shout at them cuz they couldn't do anything. And I want to feel happy again without any stupid shadows hanging over me. And that's not gonna happen until I get out my feelings, and that's not gonna happen till something pushes me over the edge. And that's gonna take something extremely joyous or something extremely sad, which I can feel coming right around the corner. Although I've learned not to trust my own feelings, they always turn out to be wrong. I can't take this anymore. I think I'm gonna have to though, there's nothing I can do. Unless I felt like saying something so excruciating to y'all that you'd hate me forever. Then I'm sure I could get enough tears out. But that would leave me with nothing. Someone asked me once if I depend on you guys, and really I do. I don't depend on you to DO anything, I just depend on you to be there for me to love. Is that a bad thing or something? Apparently so. I congratulate myself on my acting abilities though. My family thinks I'm the happiest girl they know. For example, just now mom came down and said bye to me cuz they're going to grandpa's house and I grinned at her and made a 'witty' comment (as witty as my sense of humour can get) and all the while I was feeling the same as I've just written down here. Not even music cheers me up anymore, and that has never happened before. And then there is one more thing that's making me die inside, but really I can't tell you that one. Because it's much too personal and I'm far too afraid of what you'd say if I told you. And that sounds kindof bad. But it's not bad at all, it's perfectly normal. It's just that I guess I let it affect me more than most people. Or perhaps I'm just like everyone else and they keep it inside too. Hmm, whatever. I think I've written a sufficient amount of crap now, so I'll go. I wish you a happy day.

Hahaha, my next 5 minutes have been madde happy. I just had a conversation with some guy on the phone and then we found out that he called the wrong number. It was immensly good times. Yeh I know, small things amuse small minds. That's nothing new. :P

School sucks. Especially all the subjects. Physics is pretty crap too, but at least it's easy. There is a small bit of good news though, I found my Physics books. And my agenda and 'Master Harold...and the Boys..." In the exact place I left them of course (the last place I looked too! ;)), but how anyone expects me to remember where these things are is beyond me.
So, at my aunt and uncle's on Saturday I revealed something to my cousin; I'm about the most impatient person you could ever meet. I mean, a lot of times I SHOW my impatience (usually this type of impatience is the impatience regarding non-important issues), but most of the time (just shows how often I really AM impatient) I hide it and it's really, really, really difficult. Like the other 'characteristics' I hide, but those are best left untold...until a later occasion...perhaps. But yeh, the hard times are upon me. Not in an actual hard times sense, but in a more 'hard times' sense. Ha, what sense I make. What light beyond yonder window breaks. I wonder if people really do explode if they bottle things up long enough. [Do you put a question mark after wondering...sentences?] Hmm, I shall ponder this. Or perhaps I shall just do that and then we'll all know. What fun that would be. Deoxyribonucleic acid, is that even right? I guess I should study. Although I still remember all the circulatory crap that I learned on Saturday. And alosteric enzymes, I know those too. But yeh, I'm feeling the boredom that's descending upon you as a result of my boring life, so I'll just go and leave you in peace now. Peace out! Hahahaha, have a fantabulous day! :D

So apparently this morning was very productive for me. I found out I have perfect hearing, which I knew already from the OTHER hearing test. Then mom decided it'd be a great time to look for grad shoes, so we did that. I found out that me feet are hideous, which comes as not much of a surprise, AND my ankles are too big. Cursed big bones. Anyway, I've already ranted about my big bones so I'll continue...I bought grad shoes. Then I bought (actually, mom did) a watch strap since mine is officially dilapitated (although that's not the word I was looking for), now I'll be able to find out the time on my own, one less thing to bother y'all about. Then we went to Reflections and got me some 'grad accessories' which makes me shudder, but they're shiny so that's great. Now I've sufficiently spent all of mom's money for one stinkin' occasion. Oh well, she didn't complain.

You'll probably be surprised to know that Ogden Heights is really less lofty than you may think. It also turns out that I will never know who's blocking me and who's not. Unless of course you're shown as online, then I will know you aren't blocking me even though you may want to extremely badly. Anyway, I'm hyper and studying right now, so that's all I have to say. Except it's not cuz I also feel rather like an evil fiend right now. Despite the fact that it's not the most pleasant feeling in the world, I have managed to retain my secrets and that is a good thing. Probably. Darn. I did tell you that your efforts would be fruitless, with my sufficient stubbornness and all. But you know, I'm not going to tell you just for the sake of telling you. There would be absolutely no logical point in doing that. Except that then you would know, which was your aim. Unless of course you were aimless. Of course, since my aim was completely opposite of your aim, we have a bit of a problem now don't we? Yes, but all in all, it does not matter because the importance of what I would have said should you have been persistent enough (that would have taken several hours at the very least) would have been around the zilch point. And since I have just written this in vain because you probably don't care (not to degradate your caringness) whether I tell you or not, I shall actually leave now. I have efficiently wasted/spent about 10 minutes of my studying time, which was most likely the final prompt to get me to write this anyway. Soooo, that is all. Most of you, if not all of you, will have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. Therefore I shall insist that you assume I'm insane as per usual and we can go around in circles about that for a while. Ok, now that I've sounded more bitter and scathing than I meant to, I'm gonna go before I say something horrible. Bye! :)

Upon 'organizing' my 3 year old bio. notes into a recognizable mass, I found a Townsend Meadow Vole (Microtus townsendi) skull. As well as that photocopy Mrs. Weirsma gave us a couple as classes ago. Except this one's from 3 years ago. Actually, I've found a lot of photocopy doubles. I know where those missing lab book pages went now...and I found the receipt from the Carbon Dioxide monitor Sabi and I got for our lab when she got to sit in a sealed box. That was the best lab EVER. I've also discovered why I did so horribly in Bio. in grade 10. My writing was insanely unreadable. But my pen was awesome. And remember those dumb Pier One things we had to do? "Navigate Your Voyage to Success." Grade 10 was unbelievably stupid. CALM, Pier One, Photosynthesis, Cellular Respiration, Math 10 (that was super-duper crap, except we had a window), Lit. Ok, Lit. was fun. I mean, Mrs. Baldwin is insane and she liked my essays so it was great. And we got to make posters which are (at least last time I checked) still up on her walls. And then there was Social. Remember all those CBC movies with the same people in them? And the widgets project? And that music rating debate and the trade org. debate? Man, the good times of non-stressful and super easy grade 10. Anyway, that was another boring tidbit from my day.

I feel like SINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has come upon me for no reason at all (except maybe that awesome music is blasting from the speakers) and for a reason unbeknownst to mankind, I feel like spouting it out to you all.

I've just been told that I sound like Treebeard. Very interesting.

So you guys, if you wanna come hiking in August sometime lemme know. Lou, I already know about your affinity for hiking so no response is needed from you unless, you know, you feel like responding again BUT to my great surprise, Lo actually feels like she may want to come so I figure the rest of you might too. So yeh, lemme know.

So today we went away. And it was great fun. First, we played on the mondo pile of hay bales which was bigger than my house in length and breadth. And then we ate lunch which was fabulous, but way too filling for the likes of me. Then there was searching for Easter eggs which turned out a bit floppy for my chocolate bunny in particular. Mine being hidden in the hardest spot, which happened to be on top of the birdhouse in the scorching sun, turned out rather interesting. You see, the sun was really, really shining directly on it. So when I got it it was rather unbunny-like and rather on the more liquid side of things. So basically I was carrying around a bag of squishy chocolate until it exploded in my hand and I had to eat part of it so it didn't all leak out. It was fun, really. And then we sat around and ate dessert for ages. And then, one of the highlights of the day, Chantelle and I went quading. What a joy. And it was great, cuz it says on the quad that no one under 16 should operate it (Chantelle is 13/14) and no passengers allowed. I think at one time there were about 5 people on it. ANYWAY, Chantelle and I went out by ourselves and then she let me drive. The gas button is really sensitive on that thing. It was so funny, I jerked to a start and freaked both of us out. And I was speeding along at a terrifying pace of 25 km/hour. Really quite scary when you think about it. I mean, those cow pies are pretty dangerous to run over. Along with trees. But then I went and jumped on the trampoline for like an hour and a bit which was totally awesome because trampolines are just super-duper good stuff. And then I went out on the quad again, this time with Tash, who is younger than Chantelle, and it was good fun. She's an insane driver, she lives on the edge that one. So then she let me drive in the bull pen and I showed her what living on the edge was REALLY like. I mean, we were up and down those hills in no time flat. As well as over those trees and logs and holes in the ground. And puddles. But seriously guys, this time I was really speeding along. I think I got up to 40 km/hour. Keep in mind this is off the road, we're talking gopher holes and major dips in the ground. No dead cow incidence this time though, that was a rather pleasant surprise. Although we did see a dead deer on the side of the road on the way home. At least this time we didn't run it over, it can cause a rather big jolt when you do. And a fear of dead things getting up and attacking you in the middle of the night. Thief has ruined my peace with things that are dead for life. Anyway, I'm gonna go now since I'm sure I've overflowed your attention span by now. Have a wonderful day! :D :D
Will this work? It didn't yesterday, garbles on that.

So, goin' away to Little Valley tomorrow. It's really exciting there, I think they may have 10 buildings. JK, it's not that bad. We're going to my uncle's farm for Easter and that rocks cuz it's in the country and all natury and good. So see ya all laterz! Have a fabby rest of today and tomorrow! :D

So I slept on my arm again. It's still asleep and I've been up for a while already. That means it doesn't move properly and I can't really control it.
I dreamt that I went camping last night. We stayed in these ramshackle cabins that didn't even keep out the weather and an axe-murderer was loose and everyone thought it was me. Then we went swimming and this guy tried to kill us cuz I went up to him and said something threatening apparently, while he was lying on the beach. So we hid in the water when he came to find us so he wouldn't be able to kill us. Then I drove home by myself and had to back into the garage which really didn't work, especially since the neighbours (the ones that have moved out since Lou threatened to take a picture of them) had piled up everything in our garage so they could steal it. So then I heard one of the neighbours saying 'don't do it!' and I assumed they were coming after me so I closed and locked the garage door. But they had a key so I went and grabbed the doorknob and hoped I would be strong enough to keep them out. But I wasn't, so I grabbed dad's handsaw and whacked at them with it. Which was a bad idea cuz I sliced the girl a little bit on the forehead and her brother didn't like that and he had a metal baseball bat. So he started beating on me and then the real doorbell rang in real life and I was once again saved by the bell. Is it true that if you die in your dreams you'll die in real life? Cuz I come really close a lot of times. Now I wanna go back to sleep cuz I'm liable to start thinking again. But if I try to sleep I WILL start thinking so I guess I'll just stay here and hope the rays from the computer will render me unable to think. Anyway, I don't know why I shared that with you. Perhaps I shall delete it now. Nah, that was too much work to delete. So, hope you enjoyed that little trip into my subconscious. For some reason that dream actually made sense a bit. I didn't change into a different person or gender any time during the dream which is extremely unusual. And no one I know was in it except for me which just made the whole thing even worse, and even more unusual; there are always people I know in my dreams. And the running theme was killing me, hm, odd. Usually the theme is not trying to kill me but trying to capture me. The countryside I have to run away through is always really nice though. I really feel like a nerd right now, analyzing my dreams. So I'm gonna stop. I'm not shaking today and my hands are not blue with cold, that's a good sign. Although that could change in no time at all. Oh well, have a wonderful day all! :D
"I'm not a perfect person, there's (bad grammar folks) many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you and so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know: I found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear: I found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you. And the reason is you! And the reason is you, and the reason is you. I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you, and so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know. I found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I founda reason to show a side of me you didn't know, a reason for all that I do, and the reason is you." That song will never lose it's beauty. It sounds beautious and the words are also full of beauty. Although if I keep listening to it it will probably get old. Which is sad cuz it's so awesome.

I need a penseive. Unfortunately, the kind I'm looking for only exists in the world of Harry Potter. And maybe some other fantasy stuff, but I'm not really up with the times on that. Actually, I need something that can rid me of all voluntary thought. Alas, in this age of useless technology I'll have to suffice with actually thinking which at the moment is detrimental to my health. Usually thinking doesn't bother me but on the rare occasion it does, such as today. It literally is detrimental to my health. Along with the fact that I seem to have contracted some disease that makes me shake, makes my hands cold on every possible occasion, and makes me so dead I sit on the couch like a potato when I'm babysitting (which is extremely uncharacteristic of me), I'm also hungry due to the fact that I craftily avoided supper and haven't eaten since I discovered those cookies which could in fact be the reason why I avoided dinner so deviously. Alas, I cannot eat now because I'm going to bed soon and that would also be unhealthy. And besides, last time I ate anything substantial I felt like throwing up until the end of Social. Which is really a quite unpleasant feeling as some of you may know. Since I have managed to avoid the dreaded vomir for these past many years, I really would like to keep up my record and not start now. Even through summer when the 'morning sickness' (due to the one we now fondly know as Roger, or so some of you like to think) I didn't throw up once and it was quite a scheduled feeling every stinkin' day of summer. So yeh, as you may have gathered I'm not feeling so well. Perhaps I shall have to take some sleeping pills that are non-existent in my house so I can sleep through the weekend. I should study. But procrastination is so much more appealing. And I'd much rather get rid of this dreadful ickyness. Except I have to deliver my flyers tomorrow, and what a surprise! They've given me extras again. That's two months now guys, it's about time you payed me some extra cash. That would be a bit of a cheery point. Anyway, I suppose I better sleep now so I can at least die peacefully if my life chooses to leave me tonight. Not like it really will (although you never know), and I haven't decided whether that's a good or a bad thing yet. I guess we'll see tomorrow when I wake up hopefully without a headache or anything related to sickness. Yeh, so by everyone. Hope you're having a fabby dream right now and feeling a whole lot better than I am. :S :)

BAH!

Haha, this is funny. I'm talking to someone British and someone Irish so it must be like, midnight there now. Which isn't that late I guess, but usually they talk till like 1:30 in the morning. It's great.
And now I have been dubbed Stephanie McGuiver by Jon the Irish.

You guys. I just found a stash of Chocolate Chocolate Chip cookies in the cold storage. That was a rockin' discovery. I bet it was almost as historical as the discovery of the Magna Carta of Kind Tut's tomb.
Mom made resurrection buns. They're fabby. I mean, come on, Easter bread AND marshmallows all wrapped up into one. Except the marshmallow mysteriously disappears when you cook the buns hence 'resurrection' buns.
"I found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you." Man, that song rocks. It's like, beauty. But I sed all that yesterday.
Ok, so today I couldn't concentrate in Physics AT ALL. I was just sitting there 'ecstatically' finishing the questions and then I was done about a million years before the bell rang so then I sat and helped Arthi with her math homework. And I spilled about half my water bottle on myself and then I went to the bathroom for no particular reason. Which is usually what happens because frankly wandering the hallway (ie going to the washroom) without permission is way more fun than thinking and being jittery and staring at the clock for half an hour. And then Arthi was like 'you seem really happy today' and I spilled on myself some more and she told me that I was clumsy so I laughed which made me spill some more water on myself and then I asked if she did that on purpose and she sed yeh and we laughed some more. And that was exciting. It was a good ol' time. Except she called me a nerd. But that's ok cuz I always knew I was a nerd and she was just joking. Seriously guys, I don't think I sat still for more than 30 seconds today. Long weekends should not be allowed to do that to me. I was not tempted to fall asleep at all today which just shows you how very effective the prospect of long weekends have on my awake-ness. Not like I payed any more attention than usual. In fact, I think today was worse than usual for paying attention. I was just, not able to concentrate at all. Long weekend and spring, bad combination if you want me to concentrate guys. And then in Math when I just left. Ah yes, sneaking out right behind Mr. Broemling, good good times. He just lets us slack off so much. It's great.
ANYWAY, goodbye. Have a fabulosa day because you should. And now I shall be shovelling off (you will only get that if you listen to The Life of Riley. Best old radio show ever, you are deprived if you don't listen to it. Although all the comedies are pretty good.). Bye! :D

WHOA.

Go here. It's fun. Trust me. That is, if you like that kind of game.
Ok, you guys. The Reason by Hoobastank ROCKS. Like, it is awesome and beautiful and just gorgy. Let's check if they have any other rockin' songs. Not bad, but not so awesome compared to The Reason.
People e-mailed me back. Rock on, communication between future Capernwray-ees. In two months, I will be purchasing my plane tickets, if all goes well, and then I'll be all set. Although I should probably get my VISA soon so they don't arrest me when I enter the country. Yeh, I'm thinkin' that probably wouldn't be such a good thing. And I still need to send off those £20 for the bus. I should do that. Or else I'll have to take the train or something and that would be just dastardly. Yesterday mom came and asked me when I was leaving and she wrote it in her booky thing and I realized how very close it is. And she sed I'll probably be flying during the night of the 24th so as long as I can make it to the bus station by noon on the 25th I wont have to pay for an extra night in London. Not like I wouldn't want to, but I'd probably get myself lost and waste too much money. So that's a bit of a drawback. I bet you guys are getting sick of me talking about Capernwray all the time, hey? I'll buy you things, so be happy. Genuine merchandise for the tourists in the UK. Rock on. I don't like beingperceivedd as a tourist. I feel locals look down theirnosess at me then. It's very disconcerting. Although guess I deserve it cuz yesterday I mistakenly called a British person European. I mean, that is just SO wrong. Although I was thinking that sounded wrong before I said it. But I still sed it, and I have learned from my mistake.
Only 3 more months of teachy-learny. Then I work for 2 months. Then I sit around for almost a month, then I go to gorgeous place, again if all goes well.
I'm listening to Spice Girls right now. Is that not weird? Yes, that is weird. But oh well, because they can be good. And now I'm listening to Sting. Nothing has beaten his Desert Rose song for beauty yet, but this one's pretty good.
And I wasgonea say a whole bunh more but now I have taken up too much space. So g'bye. have a fab day! :D

And here's a little tidbit of chaos just to show you how very normal you REALLY are. Unless you partook in this even, then you can safely assume that you are indeed crazier than you initially thought. [These names have been changed to protect the chaos masters from assassins.] These are the inner working of the future generation of world changers. My profuse apologies if anyone gets offended, but I felt it my task to warn everyone of what is to come.

Princess Buttercup says:
but by who?

Princess Buttercup says:
THAT is the question

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
or...IS it???

Princess Buttercup says:
it really actually IS

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
i could tell you a secret...

Princess Buttercup says:
really?

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
Princess Buttercup....

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
I AM YOUR FATHER

Princess Buttercup says:
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it all suddenly makes so much more [non]sense!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
that's right it does

Princess Buttercup says:
so, is this at all related to Being Watched?

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
its the invisible man on the table

Princess Buttercup says:
he must be very small and very light

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
duh, he's INVISIBLE

Princess Buttercup says:
but invisible things can still have weight... and there's very little room on this table! I think he must be the midget Scotsman from the advert

Princess Buttercup says:
although, if he is, he's remarkably quiet

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
no, he wears a cape

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
and pants with wings

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
just ask ste

Princess Buttercup says:
i may possibly do that

Princess Buttercup says:
or then again, possibly not

Princess Buttercup says:
bcos then I will be more confused

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
PREsactly

Princess Buttercup says:
yes. YOU

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
what?
Sir Reginald The Brave says:
now that's just silly

Princess Buttercup says:
like the dog, yes

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
what's THAT supposed to mean, eh?

Princess Buttercup says:
exactly what it says on the tin!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
oh, that's a clever little trick

Princess Buttercup says:
you see, I CAN be the most confusing

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
or...CAN you???

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
or so thats your angle, is it?

Princess Buttercup says:
sorry bout that

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
bet you are, old fool

Princess Buttercup says:
I am, and I am decidedly young. I choose not to dispute my foolishness

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
oh, very wise

Princess Buttercup says:
or is it just plain foolishness? another paradox of questionability

Princess Buttercup says:
do we need Help?

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
a better question to ask would be do we NOT need help

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
to which i would respond, hippos

Princess Buttercup says:
that

Princess Buttercup says:
is a very strong answer

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
well thank you, kind princess

Princess Buttercup says:
DAGGERS

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
ooooo! daring

Princess Buttercup says:
or possibly just horrendously violent

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
yes, but is violence really horrendous?

Princess Buttercup says:
usually

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
but what about a communist revolution?

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
what about THAT, eh princess?

Princess Buttercup says:
yes! it certainly is

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
hmm i see what you're doing there

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
trying to change it up on me, eh???

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
well, we won't be fooled!

Princess Buttercup says:
no, you [plural] won't, because you already AAAAAARE!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
is that so?

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
well, mr. lighter-than-air, if i wanted your opinion, i'd give it to you!

Princess Buttercup says:
I'm not lighter than air, I am simply metastable

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
metastable mon oeil

Princess Buttercup says:
oui, both of mon oeils.... mes yeux!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
are you asking for a CHALLENGE!!!!

Princess Buttercup says:
you mean CHALLENGE????, yes? and YES

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
EATING PUDDING WITH A SPOON

Princess Buttercup says:
IN A GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!!!!!!!!!

Princess Buttercup says:
ha!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
ON THE MOON

Princess Buttercup says:
in a carboard box labelled Fragile

Princess Buttercup says:
I ha! again!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
WITH A PLATAPUS NAMED OSCAR

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
HA

Princess Buttercup says:
ooooooooooooooooooooooooh

Princess Buttercup says:
who sings OPERA

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
WHILST STUDYING JAPANESE

Princess Buttercup says:
from a mile-long secret textbook

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
IN CODE

Princess Buttercup says:
which turns out to actually be CHINESE

Princess Buttercup says:
as sold in local bookstores and supermarkets!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
WHICH IS OUT OF PRINT NOWADAYS

Princess Buttercup says:
darn

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
YEAH BABY

Princess Buttercup says:
and now I must go eat in defeat HMPH

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
come on

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
admit it

Princess Buttercup says:
never!

Sir Reginald The Brave says:
than you are doomed to suffer the consequences forevermore

I do not like having my high spirits dampened. And they have been so now I'm not a very happy camper. Stupid little things that depress me. Only 171 days and I can *hopefully* forget about all those little things. Well, I should be because I wont know of the changes in situations so they cannot depress me. Yay to that! Although technically, I should just not think about these things because just getting depressed about things changes nothing. And I just emailed about 8 people who are going to Capernwray at the same time as me, yeehaw! Cheers to knowing people slightly before you meet them so you can actually talk to them. I think all of them are from the States except for Jon and Daveo who are from Northern Ireland and England respectively. And they're the only ones I've actually talked to. Well, on MSN anyway. Marisa from California also emailed me, which was cool, her birthday's in May too and we're the same age. Good times. And a lot of people are coming with friends which could be a bad thing, but meh, if I turn out to be a loner it will be okay because I'll be a foreign loner and that will be much better than being just a plain old loner. Although my plan is to have a complete personality change (at least on the part of my shyness) when I get off the airplane so that I can actually talk to people without bursting my spleen or whatever body part it is that 'bursts' when you try too hard to do something. And then maybe I wont get ditched by people when they get tired of me. Maybe I'm just boring. Probably.
"Have a little faith in me."

Guys! What day(s) are you unbusy on this weekend (the four day one)?

Well, I expect that since everyone else posted (uncharacteristically) today I could either be uncharacteristic as well and not post or be predictable and post. And I've decided that posting is much more fun. So that is what I'm doing. The only problem is, I have nothing exciting to say. And although I don't usually have anything exciting to say, today is different. And don't even ask why cuz frankly, it's probably not different at all.
So, I've thought of something to say. We may be able to have a little roadtrip to the mountainous regions of Alberta for my birthday. Is that not good stuff? I say it's good stuff. The coast, according to mom, is too far. Come on, it's only like...I dunno, 1000 km or so? Don't laugh if that's completely off. But yeh, I haven't been there since New Years two years ago I believe. Or maybe more. It was the year The Fellowship Of The Ring came out in the theatres. And I read the LOTR books while I was there. I can't believe it was so long ago already! It's so sad, I must weep now. :: weep :: Which reminds me of Kamloops last summer when it was so frickin' hot I got a burn from walking across the Save-On-Foods parking lot.
So now that I've posted, I'm gonna leave. Have fabby days! :D

Oh. My. Goodness. Capernwray is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!! There is this tree. Remember my rant about the ideal tree? THIS IS THE TREE. AND, it has a tire swing. And there's a tower. And wow. Just pure wow. And its courtyard. Gorgeous. And the gate with the hill. Gorgeous. It is pure gorgeosity! You guys. They have a lake. And a rope swing. 173 days. That's all I have left to wait. And I'm gonna go now before I...cry.

So, teaching Sunday school was great today. I mean, the donkey was awesome. But then the little girl threw up. Apparently she had eaten quite recently because the 'food' was recognizable. She either ate strawberries or strawberry jam as some part of her breakfast. I was actually quite proud of myself, I didn't get queasy in the slightest. I seem to be doing better when people get 'sick' (to put it lightly) recently. Perhaps I'm cut out for nursing after all. Although I'm extremely grateful that she wasn't choking thus saving me from having to practice the heimlich maneuver for the first time since I learned it. I've not been keeping up on my 'save a teddy bear a month' regimen. I should really do that. I wouldn't want to be caught helpless in a situation such as that. Anyway, see yas all! Have a fabby day! :D

I've just done some research. More people die climbing Ben Nevis than climbing Mt. Everest. And I'm most likely going to climb it (not Everest). Oh well! I laugh in the face of danger. Muahahaha! Unless this danger includes a gun/knife/bomb/man-made item used for killing.
Da, you will be pleased to know that I spazzed when I saw Anthony (wearing characteristic orange shirt) from CBC Kids at West Ed today. Although I don't know why that should please you, it was just rather surprising that the only thing (or, you know, person) that I got slightly excited about was him. Not even Simple Plan was that exciting. Not that we actually went up and met any of them, we just saw from a distance. Except for Tas who got all her autographs. And we also saw Jeff churchy Jeff with some girl (:o-unless he wasn't with her and and was just walking past her, although that would mean he was by himself which I can't really see happening. Unless of course one of those other bajillion people standing around was there with him which is really quite possible. ANYWAY.) and dancy south-African/French something man from dancing at your church. And that is the story of our day. Hopefully your cousin's hot neck was as interesting or better than that. ;) :D Have a great day everyone!

Oh, and another exciting thing from yesterday. Daniel Bedingfield sings in the last song on my new Delirious? CD. Is that not awesome???

YOU GUYS. New developement on the Capernwray front. A guy is coming (duh!). He's from Northern Ireland. Someone place your dibbs cuz I'm still waiting for my Scotsman. :) AHahaha.

A Day

So, today was like, awesomest ever. It started at 8:25am when I got up. Which wasn't so great, but THEN we ran to the bus stop which was totally detrimental to my health and also not so great (jk, it was great, i love running; it's so very exhilerating). But by the time we got to the uni it was fabulosa. SO, I was helping out with the clothing exchange in Tory Hall and like, whoa, I love university. People are like, friendly and talkative and I seriously made at least 3 friends today. One of them was Chinese and apparently 20-something although she looked and sounded younger to me. And, get this, she told me she likes me TWICE and she said I'm cute and lovely and beautiful about 6 times. Like, how incredibly flabbergasted was I???? Let me tell you, that was the awesomest EVER. And then I was walking around the U of A and totally finding my way around and it was awesome and we went to TravelCuts again and people are just so awesome! I can't even count how many people I TALKED to today. And you must realize, I am incredibly shy so this is a major breakthrough. And then we went to Shine which was also awesome, I got a whole whack of 'new' clothes AND it was absolutely gorgeous outside. So then, I get home and on my bed is this letter from EnviroFuels with the fanciest lettering in the history of the world in shiny pen. And guess what is in there but MY CONTRACT telling me that I have a good paying summer job as long as I pass the medical. IS THIS NOT ROCKIN'??????????? Yes, yes it is! And THEN, I went to the thing at Da's church and I got there and discovered I had to make a speech so from that moment on until about an hour and a half later I was tearing up every 2 minutes or so. I finally completely broke down when the pastor prayed for me. HELLO! That was embarrassing, there I was weeping in front of all these girls and their family and friends and I don't even know WHY I was crying. Worst of all was that my parents were there. Augh, parents should never be allowed to know that I am capable of crying. Especially at something like this. I've always suspected that I'm way to sensitive. But then we desserted it up and went to the leg and had too many people in the van and had a good ol' time besides that fact that I don't even 'know' most of those people. And then I came home, got Lo's email and here I am. So, I have no idea what's going on tomorrow...er...today and frankly I'm out of money. I was gonna transfer some but now it's too late. So I'll come to WEM tomorrow if I know what's going on, but I can't buy anything cuz money is gone. GONE! And yeh, today was an awesome day and I can't wait to university cuz I can actually make conversation without sounding like a complete idiot. I can INITIATE conversation. You know how many times I initiated conversation today? It was amazing. Like, who knew I could do it? (I am so pitifully shy, man it's annoying.) Older people are just so much easier to converse with. At least older strangers. So yeah, I think I'm gonna go sleep now. Cuz I'm tired seeing as I've been up for about 16 hours. Which isn't really that much in the great scheme of things, but you know. Yeh, g'night folks. :D Have a great day!