Ouch

I have a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Not good. In fact, it makes me feel about as crappy as I’ve ever felt. But contrary to my belief, that’s ok. I can’t believe how bad just talking to someone can make me feel. Someone CAN make you hate yourself. Not on purpose of course, but there’s no stopping it. Actually, I don’t think I really hate myself, just intensely dislike. Which reminds me (somehow); I haven’t had a bout of ‘morning sickness’ in quite some time now. That’s good. Now instead I almost faint every time I stand up. I wonder if it’s due to a lack of sleep or if I’m just unhealthy. Probably just a lack of sleep; there’s an abundance of it this week. “In my dreams I’m jealous all the time, I’ll end up going out of my mind.” You guys, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do after this year. I mean, university is the only logical thing to do…but it’d be kindof pointless going to university just for the sake of going if I don’t even know what I want to do. I want to do something enjoyable with my life, but I don’t think I enjoy anything that can be put to good use. Actually, as much as I despise the thought of myself being a nurse, I think I could enjoy it if I got to work somewhere completely different than here. Like, somewhere where most people can’t get healthcare. At least then I’d feel helpful. And despite the fact that it would probably make me cry everyday, that’s ok. I’m just that kind of person. It actually makes me feel better. I mean, not saying being a nurse here isn’t helpful, but I just can’t see myself doing that. But really, I can’t see myself doing anything. So I guess I could just do nothing…but that’d be boring and I TRY not to be that. Actually, I CAN see myself doing something outside. Like landscaping or wandering around in the wilderness or something. But you have to be creative and outgoing for those types of things. Hmmm. Oh, and I have a request for all you U of A people. Can someone please go to TravelCuts (when school actually starts) and check how much a plane ticket is from about January 7th to March 26th? It’s in Sub…or Hub…or something else ‘ub’. Thank you. Ok, I may possibly be done rambling now so goodbye. Love you all. :)