Fear

So. Tired. Must stay awake. You’d think that after almost a month and a half of getting up at unhealthy hours of the morning I’d learn to go to bed earlier. But no, there are just too many interesting things to do at my house. Such as sit and stare at my journal while writing nothing of relevance and drawing bad pictures. Or sitting and staring at bracelets I was gonna finish for Christmas but never did and not actually doing anything. My goal is to get them done by the time I leave so I can give them to you. Of course, that’s pretty much not gonna happen besides the fact that you guys probably wouldn’t even wear them if I gave them to you. Either that or I’d have no way of getting them to you since I’m never going to see you again. OK, perhaps that’s a little over-dramatic. But it IS possible. By the way, all of you folks who are MOVING (ugh) must give me their mailing addresses so I can write snail mail from Capers. If I ever have time. And you must also give me your phone numbers so I can waste my money on heinously priced overseas calls. Or you guys can call me since you have long distance plans…except I don’t know if you do. You must also all skip classes on the 23rd so that you can see me off at the airport. Not like I’d know what to do with you there. I’ll just be like ‘bye’ and shake your hand or something equally as retarded as that. Probably make the usual weird faces as I get caught in the metal detector and then burst into silent tears as I sit down both because I’m leaving and because I’m going to a foreign land and I’m a SHY person who should not do things like that. I think I’m gonna end up being one of those people who never leaves their house except to go to work and buys everything off the internet because they’re afraid of association with humans. I hope not, but at the rate I’m going with getting to know people it’s likely. If the personality I had as a child had stayed with me I’d be a very different person. Obviously. I am forever going to hate teachers for what they’ve done. Or at least elementary school teachers. But I suppose there is nothing I can change so I’m stuck being me. Yeehaw. The good thing about going to foreign land…NO ONE KNOWS ME! I could become a completely different person and they’d never know me as anything else. Yes, well, that is the ‘fascinating’ spiel of the day. No second thoughts about Capernwray, merely endless fears that should go away with time.