This May Seem A Little Harsh, But It IS My Blog So I Can Say What I Want

I'm starting to scare myself. Seriously, I can no longer think that all this stuff is merely coincidental. Yesterday it happened AGAIN! I was delivering my flyers and listening to my cd, I wanted to hear this one song (cuz I was thinking too much and wanted to hear THAT song to cater to my feelings) that had already played. But, the whole cd hadn't played yet so I knew it wouldn't be next. So I said to myself, 'I hope that song's next', but then I sed to myself 'it won't be next because it already played and the cd hasn't completely finished yet". So I kept going and was in the midst of crossing the road when the song came on. I seriously paused in my movement and had who knows what expression on my face. Probably something like a deer-in-headlights. But at that point in time I...freaked out. This has happened so many times recently. Not just with music, it's an ongoing thing. And usually we just all pass it off as coincidence but now that I think about it, it's been happening for years and it's happening more often now. It's usually just little fleeting thoughts, like, "I wonder what would happen if this happened?" Or "wouldn't it be funny if this happened"? But the problem is, those things usually end up happening, no matter how outlandish they may seem. Like the other day (this one isn't so outlandish) I was thinking about Capernwray (which I had pretty much given up on), then I asked dad if he'd heard from them and he said no but then I thought maybe I'd get a letter cuz, I don't know, it just popped into my head. And what was on the table when I got home? A letter from Capernwray. Yeh, so I'm scared of myself now. Just thought I'd all let you know that you're not alone in your fright. I DO realize that I'm a bit on the not so bright and completely wonked and insane side. And you know what? That's just me. If I happen to be pessimistic and self-conscious and have low self-esteem then that's perfectly fine because that's the way I am. I can try to fix it, but I'm not going to bust a gut trying to do it. And anyone who has a problem with me and my being ok with myself can just tell me and I'll be perfectly happy to never speak to you again, or perhaps to take 'a little friendly advice'. But frankly, there aren't too many people out there in a position to give me advice. Someone may THINK they know the right way to do things but let me tell you, you can't tell someone the definitive way that they should handle things unless you've been in the EXACT same situation as them. And that was my rant for the day. It wasn't as fulfilling as ranting at specific people that I feel deserve rantage, but it will do. And since it was established on my other blog that said person is not even worth it nor should I let some of these things affect me, I shall cease this pointless degradation for today. Good-day all and hope to see you soon. Although that may be highly unlikely. It seems that...I'm not going to say what I was gonna say. I don't want anyone to feel TOO terrible. Cuz I know how you all care what I think of you. (Psssst, only 'some' of you 'have' take offense to that. I don't know if you know who you are, so my advice would be to make your decision and leave it open to change. Although I'm really in no position to give out advice since I've never been in your precise situation.) And now you all have my permission to be all light-hearted and pretend everything's happy. Because it'll happen that way anyway and at least this way I don't have to store up anger while I watch you blow it all off. Yes, I'm trying to make you angry or at least slightly disconcerted. However, since I know how little I matter I know it's most likely not working. You may ask why? Well, that seems to be the way I make myself feel better. By making people mad at me. Crazy little world in'it? Yeh, hopefully I have gotten everything out now and please, if you know where it is, you are in no position to feel anything less than ecstatic because this was not meant for you. Also, some of you who don't know where it is. But I have now finished confusing you (if, that is, you have chosen to read this far. If not, I guess you've won out by not reading this whole thing). Ponder it for a while, see if you have the power to make sense of it. Goodbye!