until I leave for Capernwray!!!!!!!! England! Rock ON!

utorak, rujna 23, 2003

I must admit, I had second thoughts about telling today (maybe he already knows and isn't letting on cuz he's afraid I'll 'expect' something, which I don't cuz that'd be stupid). It was a good day, I even saw someone before I left (it was the craziest ironic thing ever). But, upon arriving home I discovered that I've gotta tell, cuz I don't want to feel like this every time I'm at home. I figure that if I tell him and he never speaks to me again or hates me forever (I don't think he would do this, he's such a nice guy), I'll be incredibly sad but I'll know that it never woulda worked anyway. And then, if he just says, 'sorry I don't want you' then that'll be ok too cuz I'll know there's no hope and therefore will be able to get over it (at least I'm hoping that'll be the case). And then, if I tell him and he says 'I'm so glad you told me, I've loved you forever, now I can be a gentleman and stop your sorrow! (We're getting to the highly improbable events here) Blah blah blah blah, then I'll be super happy and never be depressed again. And that's my logic for telling. Now if only I could talk to him...